I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
porn star boner night. come get it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
