just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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