I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
