honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
