the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
