So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
