Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
