he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This is classic penis vs brain.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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