I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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