Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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