So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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