What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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