She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
