So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
