One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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