Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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