I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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