The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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