weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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