Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
