my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
