I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
