Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
