well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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