So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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