I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You just made me feel so damn special
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
