3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
