She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
