Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize