Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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