the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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