You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
