i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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