sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
