soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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