was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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