Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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