I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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