the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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