I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
