Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
