I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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