Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
did i walk over a car last night?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We are all done wearing pants today
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
