On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
