I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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