i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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