fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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