Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
