nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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