i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
