Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize