FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
