batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
