every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
