and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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