I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
