so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Randomize
