she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just invented taco cereal.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize