Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize