Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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