I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
