yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
