She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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