Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
