Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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