i think my tv is drunk
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
