i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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