Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
