I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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