hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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