ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
