Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
