so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
