Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
