I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So squirting runs in the family.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
