woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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