my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
