Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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