none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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