i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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