But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
