Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
