Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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