So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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