I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
