The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize