Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
