somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
