Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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