She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize