I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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