my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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