I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
