And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
